he's baaaaaaaaack!

Last night, I got a good swift kick in the butt. My stern, obstinate, opinionated, strong willed dad was at my house. It kind of shocked me, and I had to retreat to gather myself. You see, he got up from watching the ball game to use the bathroom, and then went into his room. Lights off, quiet...
M - Dad, are you in bed for the night?
D - yes
M- I have your pills for you.
D - What pills?
M - Your night pills - as I went in to give them to him. He sat up and I noticed he had on a pair of boxers, the only pair he has.
M - Do you have underwear on under your shorts? (aka depends)
D - No
M - You have to put these on under your shorts ( as I hand them to him)
D - I do NOT have to put those on. (He lays back down and rolls to his side toward the wall.)

This is when I left his room. What the heck? Deep breath.

M - Dad, you have to put these on.
D - I do NOT have to put these on.
M - Trust me dad, you have to. You wear them every day and every night to bed.
D - I do NOT wear them. Why do you want me to wear them?
M - Sometimes in the night, you leak.
D - I do NOT leak. Turn my light off.
M - No. You can turn off your light after you put these on.
D - fine fine fine fine fine

I left the room. Tears - I am the worst daughter in the world. I can't even get him to do this simple thing. I stink at this. What was I supposed to do? Hog tie him and put them on him? All I could think of was, I am going to have a huge mess in the morning. I don't have time for that in the morning! I went to bed about 9:45 wanting to just forget this incident, but my mind was racing and I couldn't sleep. About 12, I got up and went and laid on the couch...I guess I fell asleep because at 3:15 am I hear the pitter patter of daddy feet. D -Where's the light? M -whatcha doing up so early? D - It's not early, it's time to get up. M -It's 3:15 am! D -For crying out loud... I thought it was a lot later than that! He did go back to bed. I did fall back asleep. There were no extra messes in the morning. I guess I worry too much.

And today was a good day. He's been getting up earlier and earlier this past week, so I put black cardboard on his windows behind his blinds. It is really dark in there! The AZ sun won't wake him next time!

The new caregiver started on Monday. She seems very willing to learn and appears to be a genuinely nice woman. She gets brownie points for getting my dad to play some games... checkers, cards, connect four, jenga. Hope it continues to be a good thing for us all.

change of attitude

As I told my friend, Jean, if I had written this earlier in the day, I would have been whining... poor me, and blah, blah, blah. But the day went on, life is good, and I have a picture to share.

Now just how many high school seniors can have a picture taken with their 86 year old grandfather on prom night? I love this picture!

I have other pictures that I wanted to add, but the format goes crazy when add more than one to a post. And you know how I am about making things look just so, and it doesn't look just so!!! I'll just have to figure it out another time and add more pictures then.

Tuesdays, 7 pm

For the last month or so, Tuesday 7 pm is reserved for my TV pleasure, American Idol.
Each week, my dad watches it with me. I don't make him watch the results show with me on Wednesdays. I usually just catch the last 15-20 minutes of that.

Anyway, tonight my dad had some opinions of the 6 remaining contestants.

Syesha - "She's got big boobs!"
Jason - "He needs a haircut." (No dad, he just needs to be cut!)
David A. - "That kid can sing!"
Carly - "Look at that guy's face!" LOUD LAUGHTER (Carly's husband's face is all tattoos!)
Brooke - "Oops, she made a mistake. That will cost her."
David C. - "That kid can sing!"

Looks like the Davids are my dad's favorites. Mine too.
Next week, it'll be a whole new show for him to watch. He's never seen it before, you know.

It's always something

My dad was always proud of the fact that he was organized. Even in his later years, he had everything in order for his death. He sat down with my brother and me at least three times and told us where all his paperwork was, his plans for cremation and the paperwork for that, and as he always did, told us what to do with the monies he was leaving us. Jeff and I would kick each other under the table every year. Perhaps because it made us so uncomfortable to talk about this topic.

I figured when my dad came here, everything would be so easy, kind of like a connect the dots, because he had everything so organized. ha! It has taken me months to figure everything out, and sometimes, I wonder if I do have it figured out. Bank accounts, change of address, bills, insurance, car lease, and on and on. There were some accounts not in his trust, others had only his name on them. Here dad, sign this. I had to remind myself that it all couldn't be done at once, and I could only do what I could do. I attacked the most important things first, and the rest have been gotten to later.

Funny thing is, there is always something new to do. Monthly bills to be paid, filing of statements, doctor appointments. I fill his perscriptions, and before I know it, it's time to do that again. I clean the bathroom, oops, time to do that again. I need to make an appointment to see an eldercare attorney. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Shower, haircut, shave. I need to get my dad to the dentist. I arranged for a caregiver, and for the most part, it has worked out. Oops, time to do that again. She put in her 2 week notice. I guess I knew it was coming. She moved farther away and it was getting increasingly difficult for her to arrive on time in the mornings. She is going to school, and in August she will have to do a rotation during the daytime. And in July, my dad is going on his "vacation". So I have May and June to figure out. Do I go through the agency again? Tom found someone that may be interested, so I'll be calling her to talk and schedule an interview. Sounds quite formal, but I AM the boss of her! So it all starts again. I was getting so comfortable with this. Time for a change.

Comments about my cooking and a prayer

Tonight I grilled hamburgers outside. While he was eating, my dad said, "mmmmm...good!" Finally! He liked something. Not that he ever complains. He never does. But a spontaneous positive comment, yippee!!!

I made beef stroganoff the other night and I asked him, "how's the beef stroganoff?" He said, "it tastes like food." And another day, I asked, "do you like it?" He said, "it's better than a thumb in my eye." I think I'll wait for those spontaneous comments from now on.

And another thing - when I came home from work today, I asked my dad, "well, how was your day today?" He said, "Every day is a good day!" oh man! Wouldn't it be great if we all thought that every day? That every day can be a good day - I guess it all depends how we look at things. So nice to hear that when my dad said it. He has such a good disposition! I love it!


I don't know where I got this, but I found it, or someone gave it to me, or ????

Prayer for those Living with Alzheimer's

O God of love,
hear our prayer
for all who suffer from Alzheimer's.
In the days of changing memory,
be with them in their fears.
In the days when memory has gone,
bless their families who suffer.
Surround them with tender love
from family, friend, and stranger.
Grant them peace in their hearts,
a secure home environment,
and dignity in their lives.
May each day bring a blessing,
hope and greater love. Amen.
- Vienna Cobb Anderson

A visiting angel

My daughter came over this evening to take her dad out for a belated birthday dinner. My son, dad, and I sat down for dinner while they were gone. It was a good feast, and my dad ate and ate.

Then it happened, thankfully, while my son ran up to Walgreen's. A big mess occurred, you know the kind, down the hall, in the bathroom, on my dad's clothes. I guided him to his room to change, unbeknown to me that "it" continued. My dad's cleaning wasn't the best, so I got him in the shower so I could clean a toilet, the floor, carpeting, and clothing. In the meantime, I was on a tropical vacation, so the whole ordeal was overwhelming.

Dawn and her dad came home. I was cleaning up the kitchen, and she came in yakking. :) One look at me, and she knew. She just knew. She offered to finish up the dishes while I took a long bath. I came out to find that the towels from the dryer were folded, clothes from the washer were put in the dryer, the kitchen was all clean, and she and my dad were playing gin rummy.

Calmness. Peacefulness. Ahhhhhhhhh.........life is good. An angel came to visit me today.
I love you, Dawn.

Sunday morning thoughts

My dad ate a good breakfast of french toast, bacon, and a fruit salad. He's having his coffee while sitting outside on the swing right now. A few observations - I've noticed that during meals, especially when we are having something that requires more than a fork/spoon, my dad watches us. When we've had chicken tacos, all the fixings are in separate bowls. He watches as we fill our tortillas, then he does his. He will often look over the food on the table, not doing anything. So I will say something like, "I'm putting cheese on my potato. What looks good to you to put on yours?" Then he'll start. This morning, the french toast was made from a loaf of bread that I had to slice. I made some pretty thick pieces, like an inch. I served his on his plate, along with the bacon. He picked up the french toast with his hands and took a bite. I said, "how's that french toast?" "ohhhhh, it's french toast!". He watched as I poured some syrup on mine. Then did his.

Friday I went to another assisted living place. I saw the Alzheimer's Unit. NO WAY! Being respectful to the residents there, my dad is not that bad. But I did see an assisted living area at that place that is for the memory impaired. :) What a nice way to put it! It looked nice, smelled nice, rooms were nice. I guess I'm saying it was nice! I still don't know what to do. I'll figure it out.

Yesterday, my dad became a great grandpa for the first time. I had been talking about the upcoming event the last few days, showed him pictures of the baby when they were sent from MI, talked about babies, his babies, blah blah blah. I thought he got it. Then this morning, he asked where my grand kids were. "Mine?" oh well, at least he was thinking about yesterday's topics...distorted as it seemed to me.

Feeling grateful!

As I type this, I hear my dad snoring away. He's been up once this morning, and I don't anticipate him being up for a few hours. The caregiver is coming for the day, and I have my day's activities planned out. One of them is getting a tour of a nearby assisted living center. I've been to two others, and so far, I can't make up my mind. Maybe it's because I don't want to!

This isn't going to be a forever placement. My husband and I are planning to go to Florida to my dad's place and close it up. Sad to think about that. It's like the end. But I won't think of that for now. It's been on my mind a lot lately. I even had a dream out it. After my dad's placement, I got a call that they lost him. I called my daughter and her boyfriend to come help look for him. Then I went to this place called "Heaven's Gate" (ever see that Shirley Temple movie?") and got my mom and brother to help us look for them. Weird. But it sure was nice to see my mom and brother again!

Anyway, this placement is just on my mind. When do I tell him? How long? ohhh, and the cost is ridiculous. But I'm grateful he has the money. All in all, it's just going to be an expensive thing...the trip, the move, his care. But I'm more concerned about how he is going to handle it. But usually, my concerns never become a problem in reality. I'm hope that's the case this time.

I went to the support meeting last night. I came away feeling grateful. Grateful that I am the way I am and my dad is the way he is and my family has been the way they have been. Others don't have it as easy as I do. The facilitator of the group is great! She always responds in a kind and truthful manner that may/may not be of comfort to others, but is always of comfort to me. Thanks, Renee!

Rambling...

Weekends are hard for me. My husband works, son is 17 - so that says how much time he wants to spend with me. He's not supposed to want to at his age, and I do treasure the time he does. The worst part of weekends...fixing breakfasts, lunches, snacks, dinners and all that goes with that. And the daily hygiene stuff all day long. Thank you for my caregiver during the week! We sat outside a little while today enjoying the sunshine and a little breeze.


If you know my dad, you would know that his being quiet is not usual. I wonder...what is he thinking about? If I didn't talk directly to him, I don't think he would say anything all day. He spontaneously laughs at things on the TV, burps loudly and says "pardon me!", thanks me for meals, thanks me for anything I do for him. But what is he thinking? Sometimes I'll say, "penny for your thoughts?" He says, "not a good deal for you because I'm not thinking of anything".


TV can be a lifesaver sometimes. It's usually not on during the day when I am home, but at night when I'm making dinner, I usually turn it on so my dad will get out of the kitchen so I can cook. He hasn't figured out how to use the remote. I don't think he can figure it out. (He can turn it off when I cue him to hit the red button. ) So I scroll through the programs til he says stop, or if he says that "I don't care", I just pick one. He likes to watch the game show channel, and sometimes he yells out the answer. Deal or No Deal is a favorite, "wow, look at her bussoms (aka boobs!)!" He laughs hysterically and very loudly when women wear tight clothing, low cut tops, or if someone on TV is very large. "Look at the size of him/her!" He enjoys watching football, basketball, and baseball with Tom. He sounds just like a guy with his yelling, and hootin' and ahollering!


My last ramble is about time. It's amazing to me that my dad has no idea how long he has been here. There is no planning for showers or shaving...it just has to happen. If I say, you going to take a shower this morning? Even if he says yes, it will never happen. Now I say, "I'm going to get your shower ready". And he follows behind me after getting his stuff ready. Everything is, "in a few minutes", which never comes. So I use my little tricks, and I get what I want!


THIS NEXT THURSDAY IS MY SUPPORT GROUP FOR CAREGIVERS. I CAN'T WAIT!

grrrrrr !#@&*@*!!!

Remember when I said that Lysol still smells like the out house at girl scout camp? Well, it's Pine-Sol that smells like the out house.

Remember when I said there were thousands in our country living with Alzheimer's? Well, it's more than that. I'm reading a book called "Preventing Alzheimer's", and it says that one out of every two families in the U.S. has a member with A.D. It affects five MILLION in our country, and the chance of getting it doubles every five years after the age of 65. By 85, (my dad is 86), there is a 50% chance that you will develop it.

Remember all those things I've learned? Scratch 'em. Some of the time, I have learned them. Some of the time, I haven't. Some of the time they work, some of the time they don't. Today, one of those days...

I thank God that it's not every day that I have to deal with the hard stuff. Today when it happened, I thought....oh no! not again!!!! And for those few minutes, I was saying to myself, I can't do this. This really sucks. It's too sad. I don't want this!!! Well, as I type this, I still don't want it. It just is. And I'm done with the grrrrrrrrr @!@*^#@!!! Once again, I took a deep breath...there, that's done. And life goes on. I don't want to give the impression that everything is hunky dorey and it's so easy having my dad here. I do enjoy him. Easy? Not really. Different? Challenging? yes. It feels good to be able to help him out. I would have done the same for my mom, and I'd do the same for Tom's parents. It just seems like the right thing to do. Some couldn't do it, I know. And that's ok. It's the right thing for them to handle things differently. It is not easy for my family, I know. Don't worry guys, I really do know.