This morning, my dad and I were sitting at the table eating breakfast together. I mentioned it was Memorial Day and asked him if he kept in touch with any of his air force buddies. "No". He then spontaneously said, "I wanted to be a pilot in the worst way". I asked him if he was good at it, and he said, "oh, yes, I was really good, but they had so many guys that wanted the same thing that I did, and they only took the best. That wasn't me." I asked him how long he was in the air force. He quickly said, "3 years, 5 months, 11 days, 15 minutes". I said...what???? He repeated, "3 years, 5 months, 11 days, 15 minutes. Some things you never forget".
I guess not! :)
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
bumps on the road
It's been a long week. A busy week. Graduation events, visiting in laws (yeah!), graduation itself, party yesterday...and my dad did well. He stayed home with the care giver the evening of graduation. We all got to go out for dinner and then to the ceremony. I made the right decision not to have my dad go with us. I had expected the event to be outside in the football stadium for 2-3 hours in the heat. I even told him about it, and he said he didn't want to go. It ended up being inside as it poured outside, making 4 inch puddles for us to wade through on the way back to the car. Definitely made the right decision on that one. He was fine at the party, even changed his clothing without cuing when he needed to do that. yeah! :) He was quite formal and cordial with the guests, rising each time to shake their hand as he was introduced. That part of my dad has NOT changed.
We went to the doctor on Friday late morning, my plans being to have all the paperwork filled out for the care center in July. I was disappointed with the outcome of the appointment, in fact, I should say I was quite frustrated because I started to cry. I hate that! Anyway, we have to go Tuesday and Thursday for blood work and a TB test, then back the next Monday for a physical and to have the Doctor fill out the stuff he needs to fill out. He is a by the book guy - a good thing- but obviously time consuming for me. I need to remember that things aren't always going to go smoothly, and I can only do what I can do when I can do it!!!!!! Bumps on the road - what a ride.
We went to the doctor on Friday late morning, my plans being to have all the paperwork filled out for the care center in July. I was disappointed with the outcome of the appointment, in fact, I should say I was quite frustrated because I started to cry. I hate that! Anyway, we have to go Tuesday and Thursday for blood work and a TB test, then back the next Monday for a physical and to have the Doctor fill out the stuff he needs to fill out. He is a by the book guy - a good thing- but obviously time consuming for me. I need to remember that things aren't always going to go smoothly, and I can only do what I can do when I can do it!!!!!! Bumps on the road - what a ride.
Friday, May 16, 2008
The GOOD and the TRUTH
The GOOD
* Dad enjoyed a good night's sleep, got up later than usual this morning, and had a good breakfast.
* He basked in the sun and took a nap on his swing.
* We played a game of checkers and he beat me.
* He got a haircut, shave, and beard/mustache trim, and when he looked in the mirror, he said, "I look good!"
* We watched some old reruns of Bonanza and got a chuckle out of them.
* I had been thinking about a couple that my dad and mom had been friends with, and whom I saw in Michigan on my trip there prior to bringing him back to Arizona with me. So I called them today, and they seemed genuinely happy to hear from me, as they had wondered where he was. We had a nice talk, they gave me some good suggestions about the FL place, and plan to write to my dad. That made me feel so good. My dad has always been a very social guy, and the last few years, and since his move here...well, it seems as though everyone has forgotten about him. Not putting any blame on the situation...it just is what it is. Anyway, I was just glad I called them. :)
* We went to an awards ceremony at the high school tonight and I had a friend come and stay with my dad. All went well.
The TRUTH
Even though I put a deposit down on a place for my dad to stay in the month of July, I have not been feeling definite, about it. The $$$ is ridiculous, and even though the place is beautiful, I was still undecided. I went to another place on Monday. I had been there before, in fact, it was the first place I went to and I had liked it. Anyway, I went there and had a tour again and talked with, not sure of her title, but a nice woman. The assisted living part of it was nice. Nice rooms, activities, nice dining area, nice outside area...and the price is almost half of the other center. Then I went into the "special unit". Nice rooms, more staff, activities, a pathetic outside area that is secured. It was "down" time and the residents were mostly sitting in chairs or on the couches sleeping. It broke my heart and I hated it. My dad doesn't fit here. No way. I won't put him here. But somehow, I found myself setting up a time for them to come to my home and meet my dad, and assess which was the appropriate unit for him. I thought I already knew. The nurse came today, talked with me while my dad was outside, then met him, had a casual conversation with him, asked him all the self care things she had asked me, and did a "mini mental" test to assess his cognitive skills.
Truths
* To my surprise, my dad told her that he had been here 8 months.
* He lives in Clawson Michigan, in Oakland county, just outside of Detroit. (He moved from there in 1980)
* He did not know the year, although repeated 19... over and over.
* The month was January.
* He didn't know the date, but it was Sunday.
* The season was summer.
* He identified objects like a pen, magazine, and told their purposes.
* He repeated apple, nickel, Chicago after told to remember them. He repeated them twice after the nurse. She asked him another question, then asked him to repeat the three words. He couldn't do it. When prompted with "one is a fruit", he said banana. "One is a coin", he said nickel. "One is a city", he said Detroit.
* He told her that he didn't have any trouble eating (which is true)
* He said he dresses himself. When asked if he changes his clothes every day, he said yes.
* He responded that he brushes his teeth 2-3 times/day, doesn't have any problems taking a shower a few times/week, and never has "accidents".
* When asked to grasp a piece of paper she was holding with his right hand and fold it in half, he did it.
* When asked to use a pencil and copy two intersecting geometric shapes, he did it, however, it didn't really look much like the original.
I was told that he should be in the "special unit". He requires too much prompting to live in the assisted living area. He requires prompting to participate in activities and meals (otherwise, I know he wouldn't do anything). For safety, his bathroom would need to be regularly checked and cleaned. His hygiene needs to be monitored, and cued. The nurse told me that she believes that he would not be successful living in the assisted living area. He would be unable to socialize meaningfully with the others. She predicted that he would realize this, and would tend to isolate himself.
Ugly truths, and I know it.
* Dad enjoyed a good night's sleep, got up later than usual this morning, and had a good breakfast.
* He basked in the sun and took a nap on his swing.
* We played a game of checkers and he beat me.
* He got a haircut, shave, and beard/mustache trim, and when he looked in the mirror, he said, "I look good!"
* We watched some old reruns of Bonanza and got a chuckle out of them.
* I had been thinking about a couple that my dad and mom had been friends with, and whom I saw in Michigan on my trip there prior to bringing him back to Arizona with me. So I called them today, and they seemed genuinely happy to hear from me, as they had wondered where he was. We had a nice talk, they gave me some good suggestions about the FL place, and plan to write to my dad. That made me feel so good. My dad has always been a very social guy, and the last few years, and since his move here...well, it seems as though everyone has forgotten about him. Not putting any blame on the situation...it just is what it is. Anyway, I was just glad I called them. :)
* We went to an awards ceremony at the high school tonight and I had a friend come and stay with my dad. All went well.
The TRUTH
Even though I put a deposit down on a place for my dad to stay in the month of July, I have not been feeling definite, about it. The $$$ is ridiculous, and even though the place is beautiful, I was still undecided. I went to another place on Monday. I had been there before, in fact, it was the first place I went to and I had liked it. Anyway, I went there and had a tour again and talked with, not sure of her title, but a nice woman. The assisted living part of it was nice. Nice rooms, activities, nice dining area, nice outside area...and the price is almost half of the other center. Then I went into the "special unit". Nice rooms, more staff, activities, a pathetic outside area that is secured. It was "down" time and the residents were mostly sitting in chairs or on the couches sleeping. It broke my heart and I hated it. My dad doesn't fit here. No way. I won't put him here. But somehow, I found myself setting up a time for them to come to my home and meet my dad, and assess which was the appropriate unit for him. I thought I already knew. The nurse came today, talked with me while my dad was outside, then met him, had a casual conversation with him, asked him all the self care things she had asked me, and did a "mini mental" test to assess his cognitive skills.
Truths
* To my surprise, my dad told her that he had been here 8 months.
* He lives in Clawson Michigan, in Oakland county, just outside of Detroit. (He moved from there in 1980)
* He did not know the year, although repeated 19... over and over.
* The month was January.
* He didn't know the date, but it was Sunday.
* The season was summer.
* He identified objects like a pen, magazine, and told their purposes.
* He repeated apple, nickel, Chicago after told to remember them. He repeated them twice after the nurse. She asked him another question, then asked him to repeat the three words. He couldn't do it. When prompted with "one is a fruit", he said banana. "One is a coin", he said nickel. "One is a city", he said Detroit.
* He told her that he didn't have any trouble eating (which is true)
* He said he dresses himself. When asked if he changes his clothes every day, he said yes.
* He responded that he brushes his teeth 2-3 times/day, doesn't have any problems taking a shower a few times/week, and never has "accidents".
* When asked to grasp a piece of paper she was holding with his right hand and fold it in half, he did it.
* When asked to use a pencil and copy two intersecting geometric shapes, he did it, however, it didn't really look much like the original.
I was told that he should be in the "special unit". He requires too much prompting to live in the assisted living area. He requires prompting to participate in activities and meals (otherwise, I know he wouldn't do anything). For safety, his bathroom would need to be regularly checked and cleaned. His hygiene needs to be monitored, and cued. The nurse told me that she believes that he would not be successful living in the assisted living area. He would be unable to socialize meaningfully with the others. She predicted that he would realize this, and would tend to isolate himself.
Ugly truths, and I know it.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Adjectives of the day
Overwhelmed, confused, impatient, disorganized, tired, behind, sad, overwhelmed, snappy, irritated, overwhelmed, overwhelmed, overwhelmed.
And on top of that, my glasses cracked today - just like a windshield.
Calgon, take me away!!!!!
And on top of that, my glasses cracked today - just like a windshield.
Calgon, take me away!!!!!
Friday, May 9, 2008
I did it.
It's been on my mind so much lately. I've been procrastinating, then worrying that I may be too late, but still procrastinating. It's not every day that you make plans to dismantle a parent's life. I would think it would be like "taking care of their affairs" after they die, but he's alive. ( And I am so glad about that.)
Step one is done. Sorta. I put down a deposit at an assisted living center for a month long residency for my dad. All the paperwork is not done. Heck, I don't even know the bottom figure, but at least the process has been started. And confirmed with the deposit. And when I left that place, I felt much better.
I now have a time frame that we can use to go to Florida, pack his things, get rid of things, clean, put his place up for sale, get home, unpack, sort, store, put in the house, and on and on. The next steps, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. Two people from the center will come and meet my dad and assess in which area he should stay. I have my opinion about that, but I do have to be honest. He did take off one day and I didn't know where he was for 15 minutes - the longest, most frantic minutes I had experienced in a long time. And there was the time that I was "cooking" aka "burning" and when I came out from the other end of the house where I was ironing, the kitchen, living room, and family room were thick in smoke. Scary. Where was my dad? Just sitting in his chair watching TV, oblivious to it all. Double Scary.
Anyway, I will leave it up to them to decide. Yes, when I left the place, I felt better. And yes, it was so hard to do. And yes, when I left that place and got in my car, I cried.
Step one is done. Sorta. I put down a deposit at an assisted living center for a month long residency for my dad. All the paperwork is not done. Heck, I don't even know the bottom figure, but at least the process has been started. And confirmed with the deposit. And when I left that place, I felt much better.
I now have a time frame that we can use to go to Florida, pack his things, get rid of things, clean, put his place up for sale, get home, unpack, sort, store, put in the house, and on and on. The next steps, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. Two people from the center will come and meet my dad and assess in which area he should stay. I have my opinion about that, but I do have to be honest. He did take off one day and I didn't know where he was for 15 minutes - the longest, most frantic minutes I had experienced in a long time. And there was the time that I was "cooking" aka "burning" and when I came out from the other end of the house where I was ironing, the kitchen, living room, and family room were thick in smoke. Scary. Where was my dad? Just sitting in his chair watching TV, oblivious to it all. Double Scary.
Anyway, I will leave it up to them to decide. Yes, when I left the place, I felt better. And yes, it was so hard to do. And yes, when I left that place and got in my car, I cried.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
she's too good to be true!
I went to put a load in the dryer. I couldn't believe my eyes! The lint trap was clean! I thought I was only one of maybe two people? who think it is important to keep that thing clean. She cleaned the lint trap! And maybe better than I do.
I don't need much to make me happy. :)
I don't need much to make me happy. :)
Stuff
It has been 8 months since my dad came to live with us. 8 MONTHS! He has no idea. It's not like I hide the calendars. They are all over the place. It's not like we never talk about what the month is, or the day, or the weather, or activities that are coming up that day...we just talk in the moment, and that is where he is. He's having a good old time right now watching the Diamondbacks on TV. Between him and Tom, it's loud out there!
I've started the work towards having my dad stay somewhere for a month during the summer. My first choice doesn't take any temporary residents in the area where he would need to be. Darn. My next choice is close to our house, like a mile and a half, and I am playing phone tag with the powers that be. I better keep playing phone tag too. It's not that far away from July and I certainly don't want to hear, "we are all filled up." So on my list to do...call Sunrise Senior Living center every day until I get hold of whoever it is I'm supposed to get hold of!
The caregiver is working out very nicely! She is very conscientious and really wants to do well. And she is. She continues to engage my dad in games, talking, and they even went for a walk yesterday. Yeah! She has done my towels, dishes, floors, and I came home yesterday to find all the laundry done. Amazing! :) And - my daughter's dogs are here visiting for a few days and she really seemed to enjoy them. I'm so glad! My dad just loves them. He pets them and yells at them and talks sweetly to them too "oh yes, you are a good dog. oh yes, you are. I love you too but you have to stop licking me!"
The warmer weather has started my dad scratching again. Again and more. He gets these open sores from his scratches. When I get my box of fixin's for it, he says, "I didn't even know that was there!" (the sore) So I clean and bandage. Sometimes he has bandages on his head, neck, arms, ankles...and then I have to be sure to get those clothes away from him (we haven't been fast enough the last 3 days and he has worn the same outfit) as they are yucky!!! After the bandages, we get out the manacure kit and clean under his nails (he does this by himself). I trimmed his nails tonight. I must not be too careful, but I do try to be, because he jumps and yells like I am trying to cut off his fingers! Tomorrow night...wish me luck on the toenails. That is always fun!
I've started the work towards having my dad stay somewhere for a month during the summer. My first choice doesn't take any temporary residents in the area where he would need to be. Darn. My next choice is close to our house, like a mile and a half, and I am playing phone tag with the powers that be. I better keep playing phone tag too. It's not that far away from July and I certainly don't want to hear, "we are all filled up." So on my list to do...call Sunrise Senior Living center every day until I get hold of whoever it is I'm supposed to get hold of!
The caregiver is working out very nicely! She is very conscientious and really wants to do well. And she is. She continues to engage my dad in games, talking, and they even went for a walk yesterday. Yeah! She has done my towels, dishes, floors, and I came home yesterday to find all the laundry done. Amazing! :) And - my daughter's dogs are here visiting for a few days and she really seemed to enjoy them. I'm so glad! My dad just loves them. He pets them and yells at them and talks sweetly to them too "oh yes, you are a good dog. oh yes, you are. I love you too but you have to stop licking me!"
The warmer weather has started my dad scratching again. Again and more. He gets these open sores from his scratches. When I get my box of fixin's for it, he says, "I didn't even know that was there!" (the sore) So I clean and bandage. Sometimes he has bandages on his head, neck, arms, ankles...and then I have to be sure to get those clothes away from him (we haven't been fast enough the last 3 days and he has worn the same outfit) as they are yucky!!! After the bandages, we get out the manacure kit and clean under his nails (he does this by himself). I trimmed his nails tonight. I must not be too careful, but I do try to be, because he jumps and yells like I am trying to cut off his fingers! Tomorrow night...wish me luck on the toenails. That is always fun!
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