A tentative sigh of relief

Thursday was a horrible day for me. I actually said out loud to my husband, "I don't think I can do this anymore." It choked me up saying it. And I felt horrible for saying it too.

I went to my support group on Thursday night (great timing!). I felt a little better when I left, after crying again and rambling on to them all. The facilitator of the group, Renee, said to me that she guaranteed that after Hospice came to my home, I would feel better because we would have a plan. Smart Renee.

Hospice came yesterday, and they came today too. I feel like I am not alone anymore in dealing with all the medical stuff. My dad is now off the service of his regular doctor, and under the care of the hospice doctor. I will not have to take him to the doctor anymore. A phone call is all it takes for help to call me or come knocking on my door. After their visit yesterday, the plan was for the nurse to come on Monday and start it all. But my dad had a really bad evening yesterday, and both Tom and I said we had never heard him breathe like that before. It was awful. So this morning, I called and left a message for the nurse to call me. She called within 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it. And within a few hours, another nurse came to our house. My dad's respiratory status continues to deteriorate and his breathing is very labored. So... within a few hours, the door bell rang. The medicine was delivered that would be used in a nebulizer. (It does the same thing as an inhaler, but my dad won't have to coordinate his breathing with medicine puffing into his system.) Then, the nebulizer and the oxygen were delivered. The guy spent about 30 minutes with Tom and me, and showed us how to use them both.

So tonight, my dad had 2 breathing treatments, and about 3 hours worth of oxygen before he went to bed. It was nice to have him up with us this evening, and he was laughing throughout the show we were watching. I feel like a novice with this equipment, but I know I will get better at it, and will figure out when the best time is for using it, frequency, and all that stuff. My dad was able to use his walker (a regular thing the past 2 days) and walk from the living room to his bedroom, with five 15 second breaks. It was slow, but he made it.

And.........I figured something out that really helped me. I have a very very very very very very hard time with the odor. You know the odor. That odor that goes along with cleaning up diarrhea and all. Well, I won't get into how I reached this discovery, but I do know that if I put gobs of Vick's Vapor Rub up my nose, I can clean it up without gagging (or more, which I've done). It may not be too glamorous looking, but it works!

So for now, I feel better equipped to handle this. I will take it a day at a time, know that I have options, if needed, and continue to be grateful that my dad is with us.