It's in His hands

I'm ready to blog about it. The appointment with my dad's doctor (without my dad) on Thursday evening didn't tell me what to do. It did give me choices. And following that, a few days of a swirling head, weighing pros/cons, talking, thinking, and praying. It's either pursue medical treatments, or let nature take its course. Or as the doctor put it, "poop or get off the pot!" I didn't take offense at that statement. I already knew that was the deal. Committing to one of the choices is a difficult thing.

I want my dad to be comfortable. He doesn't seem to be in any pain, just complains that he is tired. (I assume he can feel pain by the "!!#!^*!!" he says when he hits his leg against something.) Of course, I want him to be with us for as long as he can. Pursuing the medical route may help with that, but at what cost to him? Doctor appointments, blood work, medications with side effects (the one the doctor spoke of, if needed, causes diarrhea) and whatever else...I have to think of how he will handle these things. Will they be stressful? Tiring? Confusing? Worth the time? If he were at home with his wife, what would he be doing? Going to the doctor? No, he'd be sleeping. And if he wasn't with her, and I doubt that he would be, he would be in a nursing home. He would not be getting back rubs, kisses, hugs, laughs, and the kind of care that we are able to give him. (My wise mother in law told me this, and I know it is true.) We have made a lot of adaptations in our home to help my dad. He has a caregiver when we are gone that dotes on him. He never sleeps in wet sheets or blankets, and I make him change his clothes when needed (even when he complains. And of course afterwards, he says, thank you!) He has a cane, walker, bath seat, elevated toilet seat and grab bars. We may not always use them, but they are here when we need them. We keep a watchful eye for messes...quickly cleaning them up to prevent any kind of hazard for him, or us. He has a variety of foods and drinks, socialization during meals and other times, and an accommodating staff. :) I think we are all aware of his difficulties, and try to think of things to help him be comfortable. I'm not going to list them all, but there are lots.

The doctor told me that either way was OK...and he gave me a hug. I thought I had my stoic face on, but obviously I didn't. Anyway, he mentioned that hospice might be appropriate at this time. He also told me that it is typically used when the patient has 6 months or so to live. As a medical professional, I do know that this is not always the case, but I didn't argue. And I don't think that hospice is needed right now. Not at all. I have gone through hospice care with loved ones before, and it is not time for that. When it is needed, I don't have any objections at all to their services...I will probably welcome it.

After almost 3 weeks of sleeping most of the day, my dad had a great day yesterday. He had one 45 minute nap, and another 20 minute nap right before dinner. He had three meals yesterday, and ate every bit that was given to him. He played Jenga with Saturday's caregiver, Lisa. He played solitaire by himself. He watched some TV, and even flipped through magazines. He went to bed at 8 pm, after getting up at 7. And this morning, I was awakened by the shower going in the hall bathroom. He was in there cleaning up, while I followed suit by cleaning his room. He ate a good breakfast and stayed up til about 10. He's still napping now.

So I am going to enjoy each day with my dad. We will make him comfy, show him our love, help when we can, and be grateful.