An admission

I realize I haven't added anything to my blog in over a week. I think there is a reason for that, and the reason is I want to stay true to why I started this thing in the first place. I want to always remember how much I love my dad, and that I want to help him. I want to remember that this is a choice, one that I have willingly chosen, along with the support of my family. I don't want this blog to be a place of my whining and complaining. It's OK for me to identify difficulties, but only after I have come up with a plan, or some type of strategy for dealing with them. aka Marcia's rule.

Anyway, I have been having a hard time lately. I couldn't wait for my support group last night, and once again, I have been given a booster shot, a kick in the butt, support, understanding, suggestions, and hugs. Thank you to them for that.

I admit it. Maybe only for today, but I admit it. This is really difficult! This journey of caring for my dad is really hard! And one of the things that is really hard for me is the isolation that comes along with it. I am home from work on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. My husband works Friday, Saturday, Sunday. My daughter doesn't live at home, my son is away at college. So basically, it's Dad and me. The three of us do have dinner together, and spend a little time together watching TV in the evenings. I am able to run up to Walgreen's or take a long bath in the evenings. But mostly, it's Dad and me, and I feel as though I have to be at his beck and call (verbal or not) 24/7. All that goes into caring for him is very time consuming, and I admit it, sometimes I just want to grrrrrrrrrrrrr! or maybe even say a few !#%$#>?!##! It's very hard to get my stuff done, in fact, I don't get my stuff done. And being almost alone, sometimes, it's overwhelming. Thank goodness for my cell phone and the free long distance! But still... At the meeting last night, we talked about how difficult it is for others to understand the care giving demands, the loss, the sadness, the isolation. Unless you are there, or have been there, it is impossible to understand it in its entirety. But thank you to those who try. :)

I know, at this very minute, that I need some weekend help. A few hours here and there would be great. So I am going to find that. Soon. And for those of you who know me, make me accountable, because tomorrow, I may say that everything is just fine, I don't need any help, I can handle this the way it is, and blah blah blah. But then again, you may have to accept my polite refusal of help. I can be pretty stubborn at times!

I have a new box of Calgon for the weekend. :)