Where oh where did my father go?

I'm happy to say that the obstinate, belligerent man is gone...for the time being.

My son came home for the weekend, and we had a family dinner. My dad was so quiet at the table, despite all the commotion around him. I am very aware that A.D. is responsible for this, but I can't help but wonder what he is thinking about. It's like he's lost in space... His responses are almost always generic. What a thief this A.D. is. My opinionated dad has no opinions. Social skills - gone, except for politeness. Independent hygiene skills, nada.

Yesterday was my second Saturday with Lisa coming to stay with my dad. I did a few things outside the house with my son, and then took a nap. I wanna slap myself for doing that because I could have gotten things done. Oh well...it was a nice nap. :)

flip/flop

The dad I know is an honest guy, a virtuous guy, a moral guy. Cheat on his taxes? No way! Call in sick when he wasn't? Nope. Say he would do something and not do it? No, that's not him.

But tonight, I am wondering...can I put him in time-out for lying? Should I get in his face and say, "liar, liar, pants on fire!"? Take away his TV privileges? Make him go to bed without dinner?

I hope you know I am kidding. Really kidding. But this obstinate, belligerent man was here today for both the caregiver and for me. He refused to take a shower (when he really needed one, still does). He refused to go put on a pair of underwear (aka depends) when he didn't have any on. He refused to change his dripping pants in the bathroom instead of his bedroom so he wouldn't get the carpeting wet. And those looks he gave me!

(I wonder if I ever gave that look to him?)

Yep, time outs are on the horizon.
I AM KIDDING!

Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! :)

I did it!!! I found some help for the weekend. Lisa is a teaching assistant where I work, and graciously agreed to hang out with my dad when I asked her. Today was the first Saturday. It was great! I got to do a little shopping, clean my car, lunch and shop with my daughter, and go to her house for awhile. It was a very nice day! My dad was fine with Lisa (she's been here once before, but he didn't remember) and they watched football together ( not my thing), and seemed to get along well. Hopefully, this will be a weekly thing.

Thank you, Lisa!!!!

I came home refreshed, and enthusiastically made dinner, even tried a new rice side dish, with a little phone help from my college son. :) I didn't get anything done that is on my list, but that doesn't mean I won't. I'll just work it in this week, and not just try to recuperate from the weekend.

Thanks to those who encouraged me. Yeah for me! :)

An admission

I realize I haven't added anything to my blog in over a week. I think there is a reason for that, and the reason is I want to stay true to why I started this thing in the first place. I want to always remember how much I love my dad, and that I want to help him. I want to remember that this is a choice, one that I have willingly chosen, along with the support of my family. I don't want this blog to be a place of my whining and complaining. It's OK for me to identify difficulties, but only after I have come up with a plan, or some type of strategy for dealing with them. aka Marcia's rule.

Anyway, I have been having a hard time lately. I couldn't wait for my support group last night, and once again, I have been given a booster shot, a kick in the butt, support, understanding, suggestions, and hugs. Thank you to them for that.

I admit it. Maybe only for today, but I admit it. This is really difficult! This journey of caring for my dad is really hard! And one of the things that is really hard for me is the isolation that comes along with it. I am home from work on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. My husband works Friday, Saturday, Sunday. My daughter doesn't live at home, my son is away at college. So basically, it's Dad and me. The three of us do have dinner together, and spend a little time together watching TV in the evenings. I am able to run up to Walgreen's or take a long bath in the evenings. But mostly, it's Dad and me, and I feel as though I have to be at his beck and call (verbal or not) 24/7. All that goes into caring for him is very time consuming, and I admit it, sometimes I just want to grrrrrrrrrrrrr! or maybe even say a few !#%$#>?!##! It's very hard to get my stuff done, in fact, I don't get my stuff done. And being almost alone, sometimes, it's overwhelming. Thank goodness for my cell phone and the free long distance! But still... At the meeting last night, we talked about how difficult it is for others to understand the care giving demands, the loss, the sadness, the isolation. Unless you are there, or have been there, it is impossible to understand it in its entirety. But thank you to those who try. :)

I know, at this very minute, that I need some weekend help. A few hours here and there would be great. So I am going to find that. Soon. And for those of you who know me, make me accountable, because tomorrow, I may say that everything is just fine, I don't need any help, I can handle this the way it is, and blah blah blah. But then again, you may have to accept my polite refusal of help. I can be pretty stubborn at times!

I have a new box of Calgon for the weekend. :)

hugs!

This is my dad and his favorite granddaughter, Dawn (as she tells him!)

I'm trying to get the hang of putting pictures in on this blog. Every once in a while it works.

A pretty good day today!

Research

I feel like I just recovered from the weekend, and here it is almost here again!

Last night, the guys went to bed early, and while I was ironing, I watched a show on PBS about Alzheimer's. Wow. They followed a few families' journeys and it was so sad. But there was also parts about research, and there was a man who did not have AD, who volunteered for a drug test. This drug, which I can't remember the name of, (oh no!), has been successfully used with mice in terms of attaching itself to pieces of the protein Beta Amaloid in the brain. What it did while there...I was kind of confused about. Anyway, with this brave man's sacrifice, they were able to see that it did the same in humans. The scientists were quite excited, and think that there will be some kind of treatment within 5-10 years. Funny thing was, they said that to these families 4 years ago (when the documentary was filmed). We will just all have to pray about this research, and listen out for the findings.

I'm also going to a class next month called Alzheimer's, Memory, and Dementia.