parent/child?

How do you tell your dad to put on his "underwear" aka Depends? He will sometimes use the bathroom, and during my BR check afterwards, I find his underwear in the garbage and none of the two I leave on the tank are gone. It's hard to, in a way, treat your dad like a child. I did go and tell him that I saw he threw his underwear away, and wanted to make sure he had a pair on. "Oh, yes, of course I do". But I knew better.

It's one of those times that I remember, validate don't agitate. I was not going to win the battle by confronting him. There was no way I would put my hands on him and check and say, "no you don't!" So I put a pair on the sink in the bathroom, and another pair on his bed, and waited (and hoped that the mess would be minimal). The next time he went in the BR, I yelled in..."hey, Dad, make sure you put your underwear on. It's sitting on the counter". He said, "OK, I see it". And he did.

We are very lucky that my dad is so easy going. If you knew my dad, he was anything but easy going before this illness. A few times, that dad has come out, but for the most part, I have an easy going, polite, obedient dad. Obedience comes along with the parent/child relationship, I know. And in a way, our roles have been reversed. I know that some could never react to him the way I do. My husband will ask me for the words when a situation arises, and when he says them, he gets the same results that I do. I guess we're kind of sneaky when it comes to handling my dad. Sometimes, waiting 5 minutes and presenting something again works. Other times, I just come right out and tell him what he is going to do. It's amazing to me how he just does it. Of course, as time has gone by, I have gained confidence at handling him. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever shave my dad, but I do. And when I do, he is very passive, very quiet, and isn't anything like I remember him being. When I am finished, he always politely thanks me. I know we are very fortunate he is like he is. I am not ready or willing to let him change for the worst.