parent/child?

How do you tell your dad to put on his "underwear" aka Depends? He will sometimes use the bathroom, and during my BR check afterwards, I find his underwear in the garbage and none of the two I leave on the tank are gone. It's hard to, in a way, treat your dad like a child. I did go and tell him that I saw he threw his underwear away, and wanted to make sure he had a pair on. "Oh, yes, of course I do". But I knew better.

It's one of those times that I remember, validate don't agitate. I was not going to win the battle by confronting him. There was no way I would put my hands on him and check and say, "no you don't!" So I put a pair on the sink in the bathroom, and another pair on his bed, and waited (and hoped that the mess would be minimal). The next time he went in the BR, I yelled in..."hey, Dad, make sure you put your underwear on. It's sitting on the counter". He said, "OK, I see it". And he did.

We are very lucky that my dad is so easy going. If you knew my dad, he was anything but easy going before this illness. A few times, that dad has come out, but for the most part, I have an easy going, polite, obedient dad. Obedience comes along with the parent/child relationship, I know. And in a way, our roles have been reversed. I know that some could never react to him the way I do. My husband will ask me for the words when a situation arises, and when he says them, he gets the same results that I do. I guess we're kind of sneaky when it comes to handling my dad. Sometimes, waiting 5 minutes and presenting something again works. Other times, I just come right out and tell him what he is going to do. It's amazing to me how he just does it. Of course, as time has gone by, I have gained confidence at handling him. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever shave my dad, but I do. And when I do, he is very passive, very quiet, and isn't anything like I remember him being. When I am finished, he always politely thanks me. I know we are very fortunate he is like he is. I am not ready or willing to let him change for the worst.

Setting it up for success

I grew up in a house with about 900 square feet on the first floor. There was a living room, kitchen, 3 bedrooms and a bathroom. Our house is about 2300 square feet. Yes, it is bigger, but to my dad, it is "so damn big".

Tonight was one of those times that I have to remind myself to do the things that make it easy for my dad. He announced he was going to bed, so I went down the hall and into his room to turn on his lamp. He met me at his door, and I told him I was going to get his toothbrush ready. He went in his room and took off his shoes. I came out of the bathroom and watched him walking back and forth in the hall, into the laundry room, the office, his room, back into the hall. It reminded me of playing pinball. You know how that steel ball bounces off a lever, into a bell, through a flipper, and back off a lever? Looked like my dad tonight. We usually shut all the doors except his room (which has his initials on it), and the bathroom (which has a universal bathroom sign on it). But tonight, the other doors were open, and I guess it was just confusing to him. When he saw me, he said, "I can't figure out where the hell I'm supposed to go".

We have identified several things to help my dad find his way successfully. Now I just have to remember to do them ALL the time!

From heartache to hugs

What to do...
It has been one of those days. Difficulty getting out of bed. Messes. Confusion. Naps. Aching. Messes. Hard time walking. Yelling at me. Naps. Naps.

When these days happen, it is hard. But my heart aches for my dad. Even with the yelling, I can get him out of it with kindness, soft words, a light touch. He did all that I asked today...shower, rolling (in bed), eating/drinking. I guess when that twinkle was in his eyes, or when he winked at me today...that's what makes my heart aches for him the most. I was scratching his back for him, and laughing at his sounds of delight. I gave him a hug and said, "I love you, Dad". He said, "I love you too. Believe me, I do love you." So sweet. I'm so glad he is here.

Cash back for caregiving supplies

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http://www.caregiversmarketplace.com/FrameSetup.asp

Sleeping ZZZZzzzz

Today is one of those days that I can't figure things out. Perhaps, I shouldn't even try to figure these things out, but part of me makes me want to figure them out.

Why is he sleeping so much the last few days? How can he go to bed at 9:00 pm and not get up til 11 am? Of course that doesn't include the bathroom trips, but still, that's a long time. And why, at 3:30 am, were all the lights in the house on and my dad was all dressed, even his shoes were on, and he was sleeping/snoring lying on his bed? How can he get up at 12:00 pm, eat "breakfast", and an hour later be so tired that his eyes are drooping and he crashes on the couch for another 3 hours? Sometimes he says to me, "I'm an old man - I'm so tired". The other day while Dawn and I were sitting in the family room talking, my dad came over and sat next to me. He looked real tired. I asked him if he wanted us to keep talking so we could keep him awake, and he said something like, "no, that's OK". And I'm not kidding, but within 5 seconds his eyes were shut and he was sleeping! How did he do that? Why did he do that?

At 86, I assume that people get tired and sleep more. But it's not normal for him. Is it his blood sugar level? I used to be able to test it in the morning and the evenings, but I can't anymore. I don't think I have been able to do it for about 4 months. It's not that my dad won't let me test it. He is just unable to let me test it. He is always verbally cooperative when I get all the stuff out to do it, he just can't let me. He freaks out...laughs, shakes his arm, pulls away, and yells at me to hurry up. But I can't poke a moving target! So I guess it would be wise to just really watch his diet more carefully and see if that helps. And maybe learn to poke a moving target?

Lesson learned...

Note to self: Always shut the bathroom door when using the toilet. While Smith was in the hall bathroom, it was nice to know that my dad could find the other bathroom when needed. He just wasn't expecting to find me there. And I wasn't expecting to be found! I scared the bejeebers out of him. oops. I'm glad that he forgot about that sight!!!

A new stage?

I'm not really sure if I am over analyzing or not, but I have noticed a new thing. Yesterday, while my dad was sitting in his chair looking like he was going to fall asleep, I went over and started to slide the stool over for him to put his feet on it. I said, here, you want this for your feet? He said, what is it? I said, the stool for your feet. He said, ohhhhhhh....and proceeded to put his feet on it. Then when I was cutting his hair and shaving him, I brought out his razor, and he asked me what's that? I told him it was his razor and he said, my razor? emphasizing the word razor. hmmm.... I know that sometimes, those with AD will have difficulty recognizing familiar things, or knowing what to do with them. Is this happening? I'll keep my eye out for this lovely new thing.

The weekend went well. My dad has been kind of quiet, like he is being introspective, but I know that is not the case. He is enjoying the Olympics, but I think I'll need to have a little more control over that because he (and I) stayed up way too late watching swimming last night. On the positive side, the relay team won. :) Fun to watch for both of us!

smooooooooth days

Things are going well. My dad has readjusted to being at home with us. He is eating well, sleeping well, finding his way around the house, and getting along well with his caregiver. :) He has noticed a few things from his home in FL that I brought back with us. He "never knew" my mother gave that to me. What's your mother's coffee table doing here? It's for you to put your feet up on. ohhhhhhhhh. He has not made the connection that these items were in his home in FL. He has not said anything about the additions in his bedroom. I can't imagine that he hasn't noticed. But even if he has, he probably forgets to mention it to me by the time he leaves his room.

I found a way to get my dad to brush his teeth. When he is going to bed, he always goes into his room and shuts the door. Then he comes back out to use the bathroom. When he opens the bathroom door, I am right there. Here, let me get your toothbrush ready. He can't get out cuz I am blocking him. So I hand it to him, and he brushes his teeth.

Took me long enough to figure that one out.

oh, and his home in Florida is no longer his home. It has been sold already! yeah!!!