During my dad's time with us, I have learned many things. I've learned about Alzheimer's Disease, his medical history, insurance, bank accounts, medications, setting up new doctors, his care...and on and on. Here are a few of the most helpful things I have learned:
1. Dealing with insurance companies is fun!
2. The words, "I have power of attorney" can open many doors.
3. The words, "I have power of attorney" mean nothing.
4. My dad will eat anything I put in front of him.
5. He doesn't miss his 2-3 glasses of wine before dinner.
6. I can change bed sheets in less than 90 seconds.
7. Routines can be very helpful.
8. Fingernails sure grow quickly, and get real dirty.
9. There are plastic envelope type mattress covers at Walmart.
10. Typically, choices mean nothing to my dad.
11. "No" means no. "I don't care" means yes.
12. Even though I do not like spending my dad's money on his care, I know that if he suddenly woke up (A thought I often have in my mind), he would completely understand. This was told to my by my husband, and it has helped me.
13. Lysol still smells like the out houses at girl scout camp.
14. I can quickly go into my dad's bedroom while he is in the bathroom and scoop up yesterday's clothes, toss them in the laundry basket, change his bed linens, pick up "whatever" is on the floor, and get out of there before he gets back...even at 3 am.
15. Getting my dad to let me give him a haircut and shave is most successful when spaced out more than a week...other wise he doesn't think he needs a shave. But waiting that long makes it more difficult, and "ouch" for him.
16. I'm getting real good at trimming up my dad's mustache and goatee.
17. It's ok for me to let my dad watch tv, or sit outside without being right there. I do have stuff to do!
18. Trips to the doctor require time planning, meal planning, a "just in case" bag, medicine packing, medical history notebook packing, car seat protection, and patience.
19. I can handle more than I thought I could when it comes to accidents...you know the kind.
20. It is ok to lie. I like to think of it has creatively saving my dad and myself from confusion, frustration, and uncomfortableness. Last week we went to a meeting for graduating seniors, aka, a choir concert.
21. My dad is ok with having a caregiver come into the home while I am working...even if he doesn't remember her name or that she even comes.
22. Friends are invaluable! (As if I didn't know that - and you know who you are!) thanks!
23. Although it has been life changing, and routine changing, and challenging...my family has been wonderful. Thanks!
24. Everything in my house is replaceable...except for the people.
25. I feel very guilty for not getting my dad to church every Sunday. Truthfully, not since right before Christmas. But I've learned...it's ok.
I guess I could go on and on with this list. But I won't. I have learned that I need to use my time wisely and it is now time to do just that. It's hard to keep up with home/work stuff, but... now's my chance to make a dent.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The carver
Wow. I can't believe I figured this out! And in less than 3 minutes too!
Here is my dad and the pumpkin he carved for Halloween 2007. Pretty good, eh? My dad is a skilled wood carver. I will continue to always say is. You should see the carvings I have at my house that he did. Simply amazing! He admires them often, and frequently asks, "did I do this?" Yes! Yes! You did them! :)
Now there's a job for me someday. Take pictures of his art work and put them on here. :)
ya gotta laugh!
I woke up this morning thinking of a couple of funnies...
Caregiver: What are we going to do today, Bob?
Dad: (sitting in his recliner) I'm doing exactly what I'm going to do today. What are you
going to do?
A beautiful sunny morning...(are there any other kinds in AZ?)
Dad sitting at the kitchen table drinking his coffee...
Me: In my lovely singing voice - oh, what a beautiful morrrrrrrrrrrning,
oh, what a beautiful day.............
My dad turns and gives me a "are you crazy?" look.
Me: still singing - what are you looking at meeeeeeeeee like that?
Dad: singing, in perfect tune to the song - because you're a perfect ass!
Me: I'm happy to know that you know that I'm perfect!
LAUGHTER BREAKS OUT BETWEEN US BOTH!!! :)
He still has that famous sense of humor! :) And that's a good thing.
Caregiver: What are we going to do today, Bob?
Dad: (sitting in his recliner) I'm doing exactly what I'm going to do today. What are you
going to do?
A beautiful sunny morning...(are there any other kinds in AZ?)
Dad sitting at the kitchen table drinking his coffee...
Me: In my lovely singing voice - oh, what a beautiful morrrrrrrrrrrning,
oh, what a beautiful day.............
My dad turns and gives me a "are you crazy?" look.
Me: still singing - what are you looking at meeeeeeeeee like that?
Dad: singing, in perfect tune to the song - because you're a perfect ass!
Me: I'm happy to know that you know that I'm perfect!
LAUGHTER BREAKS OUT BETWEEN US BOTH!!! :)
He still has that famous sense of humor! :) And that's a good thing.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
A Thief
Alzheimer's Disease: The Basics (taken from WebMD)
Alzheimer's disease is a condition in which nerve cells in the brain die, making it difficult for the brain's signals to be transmitted properly. Alzheimer’s symptoms may be hard to distinguish early on. A person with Alzheimer's disease has problems with memory, judgment, and thinking, which makes it hard for the person to work or take part in day-to-day life. The death of the nerve cells occurs gradually over a period of years.
What Are the Symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease?
Most patients' symptoms progress slowly over a number of years. Symptoms may not be noticed early on. Sometimes, it is only when family members look back that they realize when the changes started to occur.
Common symptoms of Alzheimer's disease include:
Impaired memory and thinking. The person has difficulty remembering things or learning new information. In the later stages of the disease, long-term memory loss occurs, which means that the person can't remember personal information, such as his or her place of birth or occupation, or names of close family members.
Disorientation and confusion. People with Alzheimer's disease may get lost when out on their own and may not be able to remember where they are or how they got there. They may not recognize previously familiar places and situations. They also may not recognize familiar faces or know what time of the day it is, or even what year it is.
Misplacing things. The person forgets where he or she put things used every day, such as glasses, a hearing aid, keys, etc. The person may also put things in strange places, such as leaving their glasses in the refrigerator.
Abstract thinking. People with Alzheimer's disease may find certain tasks -- such as balancing a checkbook -- more difficult than usual. For example, they might forget what the numbers mean and what needs to be done with them.
Trouble performing familiar tasks. The person begins to have difficulty performing daily tasks, such as eating, dressing, and grooming. Planning for normal day-to-day tasks is also impaired.
Changes in personality and behavior. The person becomes unusually angry, irritable, restless, or quiet. At times, people with Alzheimer's disease can become confused, paranoid, or fearful.
Poor or decreased judgment. People with Alzheimer's disease may leave the house on a cold day without a coat or shoes, or could go to the store wearing their pajamas.
Inability to follow directions. The person has difficulty understanding simple commands or directions. The person may get lost easily and begin to wander.
Problems with language and communication. The person can't recall words, name objects (even ones that are very familiar to them -- like a pen), or understand the meaning of common words.
Impaired visual and spatial skills. The person loses spatial abilities (the ability to judge shapes and sizes, and the relationship of objects in space) and can't arrange items in a certain order or recognize shapes.
Loss of motivation or initiative. The person may become very passive and require prompting to become involved and interact with others.
Loss of normal sleep patterns. The person may sleep during the day and be wide-awake at night.
Doesn't sound like a very nice disease to live with, does it? Yet there are millions in our country, and I assume all over the world, who live with it every day. In my part of the world, my dad lives with this every day. But the thing is, he doesn't know it.
Alzheimer's is a progressive and regressive disease. It not only continues to erode the brain's cells, but that erosion regresses the person's thoughts, memories, and skills. When I first learned of my dad's diagnosis, I sought out and found a support group for caregivers of those with Alzheimer's. The group meets once/month, and I went 4 times before my dad came to live with us. Since he's been here, I've only been able to make it 3 times. But it has been a life saver to me. I learned that those with A.D. operate out of fear. Their reality has changed and continues to change. Things don't look the way they looked, people may not be recognized, places may be strange to them, their thought process has changed. So when they act strange, say strange things, don't remember 2 minutes ago...trying to tell them what is real, convince them of something that is so confusing to them - a total waste of time. And confronting them will often bring out defensiveness on their part. They believe it is 1989. I know it's not. But why confront and try to change their minds? The results can be anger, confusion, even violence. It really doesn't matter if my dad's calendar isn't mine. Life is a lot easier, a lot calmer, and a lot happier if I just enter his world with him for those few minutes.
I have learned to validate, not agitate. If the last car that my dad had was a 1988 Taurus, then so be it (even if I know that he still has a 2006 Fusion lease car in his name). If he tells me that he goes for a walk every day, I tell him "good for you" (even though I know I have to be quite ingenious at getting him out of the house!) If he can't figure out why the floor in the bathroom is wet, I tell him "me either", as I get out the rags and pine sol once again. Validate, not agitate. A life saving technique in dealing with my dad.
I really hate Alzheimer's Disease. It has stolen my dad. Once in a while, I get a glimpse of him. He may wink at me the way he used to, and that warms my heart. He still laughs loudly. It may be inappropriate at times, but I love that laugh...it's my dad. Occasionally a memory will pop in his head - "that table used to be my mother's." There's my dad. Or when we play cards, there are days that my dad remembers how to skillfully beat me in gin rummy. He may not remember how to play every day, and he may not be able to keep score all the time, but when he does - I love it! He says silly things like "this hand is like a foot" or "who's winning?" (quite the competitive guy). Yes, I still see my dad, but it's not the same.
A.D. has robbed him of those he loves back in Michigan. It has robbed him of his independence. It is stealing the control of his body. It has stolen his memories, his judgment, his decision making skills, his motivation and his love of life.
Alzheimer's Disease is a thief.
Alzheimer's disease is a condition in which nerve cells in the brain die, making it difficult for the brain's signals to be transmitted properly. Alzheimer’s symptoms may be hard to distinguish early on. A person with Alzheimer's disease has problems with memory, judgment, and thinking, which makes it hard for the person to work or take part in day-to-day life. The death of the nerve cells occurs gradually over a period of years.
What Are the Symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease?
Most patients' symptoms progress slowly over a number of years. Symptoms may not be noticed early on. Sometimes, it is only when family members look back that they realize when the changes started to occur.
Common symptoms of Alzheimer's disease include:
Impaired memory and thinking. The person has difficulty remembering things or learning new information. In the later stages of the disease, long-term memory loss occurs, which means that the person can't remember personal information, such as his or her place of birth or occupation, or names of close family members.
Disorientation and confusion. People with Alzheimer's disease may get lost when out on their own and may not be able to remember where they are or how they got there. They may not recognize previously familiar places and situations. They also may not recognize familiar faces or know what time of the day it is, or even what year it is.
Misplacing things. The person forgets where he or she put things used every day, such as glasses, a hearing aid, keys, etc. The person may also put things in strange places, such as leaving their glasses in the refrigerator.
Abstract thinking. People with Alzheimer's disease may find certain tasks -- such as balancing a checkbook -- more difficult than usual. For example, they might forget what the numbers mean and what needs to be done with them.
Trouble performing familiar tasks. The person begins to have difficulty performing daily tasks, such as eating, dressing, and grooming. Planning for normal day-to-day tasks is also impaired.
Changes in personality and behavior. The person becomes unusually angry, irritable, restless, or quiet. At times, people with Alzheimer's disease can become confused, paranoid, or fearful.
Poor or decreased judgment. People with Alzheimer's disease may leave the house on a cold day without a coat or shoes, or could go to the store wearing their pajamas.
Inability to follow directions. The person has difficulty understanding simple commands or directions. The person may get lost easily and begin to wander.
Problems with language and communication. The person can't recall words, name objects (even ones that are very familiar to them -- like a pen), or understand the meaning of common words.
Impaired visual and spatial skills. The person loses spatial abilities (the ability to judge shapes and sizes, and the relationship of objects in space) and can't arrange items in a certain order or recognize shapes.
Loss of motivation or initiative. The person may become very passive and require prompting to become involved and interact with others.
Loss of normal sleep patterns. The person may sleep during the day and be wide-awake at night.
Doesn't sound like a very nice disease to live with, does it? Yet there are millions in our country, and I assume all over the world, who live with it every day. In my part of the world, my dad lives with this every day. But the thing is, he doesn't know it.
Alzheimer's is a progressive and regressive disease. It not only continues to erode the brain's cells, but that erosion regresses the person's thoughts, memories, and skills. When I first learned of my dad's diagnosis, I sought out and found a support group for caregivers of those with Alzheimer's. The group meets once/month, and I went 4 times before my dad came to live with us. Since he's been here, I've only been able to make it 3 times. But it has been a life saver to me. I learned that those with A.D. operate out of fear. Their reality has changed and continues to change. Things don't look the way they looked, people may not be recognized, places may be strange to them, their thought process has changed. So when they act strange, say strange things, don't remember 2 minutes ago...trying to tell them what is real, convince them of something that is so confusing to them - a total waste of time. And confronting them will often bring out defensiveness on their part. They believe it is 1989. I know it's not. But why confront and try to change their minds? The results can be anger, confusion, even violence. It really doesn't matter if my dad's calendar isn't mine. Life is a lot easier, a lot calmer, and a lot happier if I just enter his world with him for those few minutes.
I have learned to validate, not agitate. If the last car that my dad had was a 1988 Taurus, then so be it (even if I know that he still has a 2006 Fusion lease car in his name). If he tells me that he goes for a walk every day, I tell him "good for you" (even though I know I have to be quite ingenious at getting him out of the house!) If he can't figure out why the floor in the bathroom is wet, I tell him "me either", as I get out the rags and pine sol once again. Validate, not agitate. A life saving technique in dealing with my dad.
I really hate Alzheimer's Disease. It has stolen my dad. Once in a while, I get a glimpse of him. He may wink at me the way he used to, and that warms my heart. He still laughs loudly. It may be inappropriate at times, but I love that laugh...it's my dad. Occasionally a memory will pop in his head - "that table used to be my mother's." There's my dad. Or when we play cards, there are days that my dad remembers how to skillfully beat me in gin rummy. He may not remember how to play every day, and he may not be able to keep score all the time, but when he does - I love it! He says silly things like "this hand is like a foot" or "who's winning?" (quite the competitive guy). Yes, I still see my dad, but it's not the same.
A.D. has robbed him of those he loves back in Michigan. It has robbed him of his independence. It is stealing the control of his body. It has stolen his memories, his judgment, his decision making skills, his motivation and his love of life.
Alzheimer's Disease is a thief.
Monday, March 24, 2008
six and a half months later...
My blogging starts today, although my story begins 6 1/2 months ago. I wish I would have started this earlier than today, but I didn't - for so many reasons. Today will be the day that I begin to document this journey that I am on...the journey called caregiver. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be a caregiver for an elderly parent, although, I always thought it was a kind thing to do. My mother was a caregiver. She cared for my dad, every whim and every desire he ever had. She cared for my two brothers and myself. I grew up knowing that she cared for others, after all she had worked as an RN. She even cared for the wounded during WW II. My oldest brother was a sickly child, preteen, teen, adult...and life centered around him and his illnessess/hospitalizations - and my mom lovingly cared for him. She cared for my dad's aunt. Dear Aunt Mae spent many days/weeks at our house recovering from a broken heart when her husband died or when she had cataract surgery or just because. She was in her 80's, lived alone, and we just loved having her there. My mom shared in the caring of her parents when they were ill, and for my dad when he had surgery for his knee and his heart - not that they required the same amount of caregiving! So here I am, my mother's daughter. I too am in a caring profession - that of an occupational therapist. I too have a husband, and two children that I cared for, and still care for with much love. But to this date, this has been my biggest challenge. Changing from my father's daughter to the caregiver of my father is quite a transition. I brought him home from Michigan with me in early September, 2007. I still find it hard to believe that he is living with us. I love to see him every morning. I love to tell him good night at the end of the day. It's the times in between that are the challenge. My time with him makes me smile, laugh, cry...sometimes all at the same moment! I'm hoping this blog will help me to sort my thoughts, maybe get some ideas, and guide me down this road that I have chosen to take. Happy Trails!
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