Three thoughts

1. Most of us, at sometime, have problems falling asleep. As a woman, I think men have less of a problem with this. Sometimes, I swear my husband falls asleep in as few as 4 breaths. I remember my dad being like that too. But today, I was really shocked. I was giving him a haircut and shaving him. It's a weekly thing, that takes about 5 minutes, tops. I had already cut his hair, and was trimming up his beard, and his head went to the side and Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Amazing. Was it because he is a man? old? or just plain tired? I kept on shaving him, and I guess he was startled awake by a hair pull... OWWW! I finished him up, and he needed help with his walking/balance back to his room. By the time I threw the blanket on him he was snoring again.

2. During my endless rambling with him while he was eating breakfast today, my dad told he that he was going to be 62 on his birthday in January. I told him if that was true, he had me when he was 9. That gave him a big smile and the house was filled with his LOUD LAUGHTER!

3. My son left to go back to college a while ago. When he said goodbye to his "papa", my dad said, "see ya later. I'll be thinking about you, pal."

The mind. I'm not even going to try and figure these three things out.

Thanksgiving Day

Family, food, football. That was today. I am grateful that everyone was here to share the day. I am grateful my dad was here to have Thanksgiving dinner with us once again. He is just too cute when he says prayers before dinner. He's so reverent, so ritualistic when he says it. Although, somewhere along the line, he and his wife changed the words to the prayer, he still says it with gusto! He ate more than the rest of us. Typically, he is slow eater, and it takes him at least 3 times as long as us to eat, but today, he won the prize for most eaten too! He's been especially quiet lately, even during the week with his caregiver. Today was no exception. He didn't interact with the visiting dogs too much, and his talking with us was only in response to our questions or comments. Still, I am thankful that he has recovered from his respiratory illness, and happy that he enjoyed his day. :)

The past, the present, the future

Two weeks ago I went to my support group. We had missed the month of October because the facilitator of the group was out of town. There were just 3 of us in attendance, plus Renee.

http://www.acompassinatevoice.com/ Before I forget, this is the link to Renee's website and it gives information about her books, "When a Voice No Longer Speaks" and "The Aftermath of Alzheimer's Disease". To my cousin, Bonnie - it sure took me long enough to get you that information!

Each of us at that meeting are at a different place along our journey, but traveling the same road. I found it a nice coincidence that the three of us were there at the same time, with no one else but Renee.

Lynn (also known as me about 2 years ago) - is traveling back and forth to the Midwest, discussing with siblings/father about her mother, figuring out what is important to do, getting information about health care and financial power of attorney, planning, observing, worrying...

India - (also known as me at some time in the future) has had her mother in law living at her home (with her family) for about two years. The decision has been made to find a placement, and she and her hubby are exploring that together.

And in the middle of these wonderful women, is me.

I do know that some time in the future I will be where India is. I know that I will know that it is time, just as she now knows. Something to (NOT) look forward to.

Update on health - my dad is back to himself. Best of all, that sick cough is gone. The regular cough remains.

Calgon, take me away!

My dad continues to have a low grade fever. He has a doctor appointment on Thursday, so we can address that then. He has been happy, eating/drinking, and without complaints. Me, on the other hand, I have a complaint. His cough is driving me crazy! It is pretty constant, with maybe two or three minutes in between, and every time he does it, it is like fingernails on the blackboard to me. Sometimes, I just have to get away from him. I'm on sensory overload!!!!!!! Don't mean to complain, but part of my blogging is to get it out and feel better that I have said it. There... I said it. No solution to this one at the moment.

Sickie Dad

My dad is still not back to himself. Day #5 of an antibiotic still hasn't kicked it for him. He's the best sick man I've ever known, although I do remember him not being like that when he was younger. He is still coughing, wheezing, sleeping a lot, and has a fever. This morning, after eating his breakfast with his caregiver, he lost it, aka vomited. Since then he hadn't eaten/drank too much, per Pat. So when it was dinner time, I made him a light, bland dinner, and told him it wasn't too exciting of a meal since he vomited earlier in the day. He said, "that wasn't from being sick, it was from something else". When I asked what, he said, "I was rastling (wrestling)". huh? Made me laugh inside. And another thing, while he was napping before dinner, I happened to see him fishing! No fooling. He was winding up his reel, then casting it out. Twice. hmmmm... dreaming of the one that got away, Dad?

I am bad, bad, bad!

But I forgive myself. I forgive myself for saying something that shocked my dad, because he didn't "know". I forgive myself for trying to convince him, and then saying the wrong things. Challenging his reality led to him defending himself with a loud, finger pointing encounter. And that look on his face...that confused, hurt, sad look broke my heart and made me cry. I should have known better. I do know better. But I admit, for a few moments, I forgot. I know that sounds stupid, but I did. I forgive myself, but I won't forget the lesson. My bad.

suffering in silence?

I know that my dad is a poor historian when it comes to his health. He denies having Diabetes. He has no idea what all the surgical scars on his chest and abdomen are from. But I never thought he'd be unable to tell me that he didn't feel well. I never thought he couldn't tell me what was bothering him.

We went to the doctor today to talk with him about the results of blood work from 2 weeks ago. I knew something was up with him for about the last week. He seemed really tired. We went for a walk and I heard him wheezing. And that ever present cough has worsened. It is non productive, and I can hear it rattling down there. It's like he needs to be suctioned! Yesterday, I asked him if he was feeling poorly and he told me his back was hurting. But I hadn't seen, and have yet to see, behavior that says that. No extra time needed to get up, no grunting or groaning...

Anyway, the doctor thinks he has either bronchitis or pneumonia. He had more blood work taken today, a chest x ray taken, and has an antibiotic to take. I thought he felt warm and took his temperature about an hour ago and it's 102.5 Most people would be complaining and laying around, or more than likely sleeping. Not my dad. He's not acting the way sick people act. Yes, he's a tough ole' guy, but man, at 102.5 I'd be sprawled out whining with a cold cloth on me.
Here's another thing learned about Alzheimer's. Marcia Detective is my name. Gotta be ever watchful, suspicious, and momlike I guess. whew

Sunday evening...

When we went to the new doctor a week ago Friday, I talked with him a little about Aricept. I have no idea how long my dad has been taking it and I don't know if it is working. Since he's been here, there have been some changes, both good and bad, but significant ones? I don't know.
And add to that, it costs $170/month out of pocket, which is totally worth it if it has some type of positive effect. In the class I took about Alzheimer's, they talked about medications and how they are typically more effective with mild cognitive impairments. That's not my dad. So I talked with the doctor about it. He recommended to d/c it for about a month, and we will know if it was helping or not. So my dad has been off it for 9 days now. I don't see any changes. Time will tell. Or it won't.

He had another appointment with that doctor on Friday, but at a different office. We got in the area about 30 minutes before his time, but Ole Marcia couldn't find the building. The phone number on the card had been disconnected. The (number at the) office we went to the week before was closed. And there wasn't a building with the address on it. hmmmmmmm? Soooooooooooooo, we didn't make it.

My dad and I had 3 days together this weekend. All went well. But...I am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. :)