A lesson learned

SMILE!
My dad is home.

The transition to Village Oaks was difficult for him. But I'm happy to say, his transition home was a lot easier. He was quite scruffy looking when we went to get him on Tuesday, and he was confused too (more about that later). I believe he knew who I was, but didn't act overly thrilled to see me. He went cooperatively with me, after snacktime of course. But after the ride home, a few hours of sitting around and some talking, and dinner, he was back to himself. He enjoyed watching the Diamondbacks ball game with Tom and me. I don't usually watch more than 5 minutes at a time, but I couldn't leave the room. I had to do my watching, listening, assessing...and enjoying my dad.

Now about the confusion...
This has not happened at our house. Not that he doesn't watch TV. He does. But for some reason, when we went to get him, he was IN the movie. The first thing he said to me was something about how he had fooled everyone. When I asked him whom he had fooled, he beckoned me closer with his finger and whispered, "my mother". Huh? Then on the way home in the car, he said that place was really fun and that he had fooled them all. He said no body knew for sure whether he was a man or a woman, except for that one lady. When I asked who, he said, "Harriet". Another huh? That was the end of that. But the next morning, Tom figured it out. My dad had been watching Mrs. Doubtfire when we arrived. If you haven't seen it, Robin Williams plays a father (also an actor) who misses his children so much after a divorce that he disguises himself as a kindly babysitter and gets hired by his ex to care for the children.

Lesson learned: Be careful about what he watches on TV. Make idle chit chat during the program to keep him with us!

Welcome home, dad!

T minus 18 hours

My dad is coming home tomorrow. yeah! I have really missed him and look forward to his return. But I am also quite anxious about his return. How is he going to be? Is he going to be angry with us? Will he realize how long he has been gone? His caregiver went to see him a few days ago, and he told her that he had only been there a couple of days. OK, sounds good. And it sounded as though he remembered her. That sounds good too. But what will he do when he sees his stuff? Will he notice? Will he just think they have always been here? Will he ask questions? Will I have the right answer? Keep it simple, Marcia. Redirect. Give lots of hugs! Hug myself!

I am going to be cautiously optimistic. Yeah, sounds good.

A cute picture

My sister in law, Karen, went to Harriet's (and dad's) home in Caseville, Michigan a week or so ago. She collected all his stuff and took it home to go through for me. She found this picture and sent it to me. I have never seen it before. It's my dad and mom. It must have been taken around 1952, the year they were married. That would make my dad 30 and my mom 34. I love this picture! Thanks for sending it to me Karen! :)

Lots

Lots to do while my dad is gone, and we're making a dent in it all, but it seems never ending. We went and saw an elder care attorney. Lots to think about. Lots of choices. Lots of decisions to make. Lots more to do.

We're still unpacking boxes. We're still packing boxes for Harriet. We're still cleaning, sorting, arranging, and integrating his things into ours.

6 days til we go pick him up from the Village Oaks. I have not gone to see him, but I have called 3-4 times/week to see how things are going. Reportedly, he is doing OK. He says, "wonderful" when asked how he is doing, is participating in activities, and eating well. Debbie, the nurse, has been very kind in answering my questions and making me feel good about this respite.

Still, I miss him lots!!!

Empty nest!

It will be 2 weeks tomorrow that my dad has been at Village Oaks, and I really miss him! His chair in the living room is empty, there are only 3 at the kitchen table, his bed is staying made :) and the house is really quiet without his laughter!

My friend went and saw him last week. She took this picture and sent it to me while I was in Florida. Thanks, Jean!

The trip

Not really sure how to start tonight. So many things are on my mind. Tom and I made it to FL. We cleaned, sorted, packed, pitched, donated, cleaned, fixed things, and did I mention cleaned? It was quite the experience. In a way, I felt like I was disassembling my dad's life. Kind of a sad thing, but we made it through the experience. Tom is driving back with a load of stuff.

I did learn a few things.
1. If I ever doubted my decision to have my dad come live with us, I no longer have that doubt.
2. I learned that my dad and his wife had a good life there, full of activities and friends...but there was definitely a change in all that over the past few years that many had noticed.
3. I learned that I can relax! :)
4. Some day, someone will be going through my things, my treasures, and they will be cleaning, sorting, packing, pitching, donating, and fixing things.

I went to my support group tonight. :) I wanted some words of wisdom about how to integrate my dad's things into my home. In a nutshell, I am going to just fit them in. And if my dad says anything, short answers are best. If he does ask about his home, one woman suggested that I just say, "it's still there". Great response! Short and sweet. I can't say that my concerns about his reactions are gone, but I do feel better about it. I am told there is a possibility that he may not even notice his things. That would be a good thing...but a sad thing too.

Last but not least, my dad is still at Village Oaks, and I really miss him! My daughter has visited him twice, even took her dog over once. She said all the residents really enjoyed their visit. And my good friend visited him too - even sent me a picture of him on the phone while I was in FL. I have this feeling inside that my dad is going to be really mad at me for having him go there. I'll work on that...because I know I'm wrong!